Living with a… Land Rover Defender 130 (Month 2)

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Month 1 – Earning some street cred Month 2 – Too much of a good thing?

One 5ft 6in working mother, one 6ft 2in partner, four teenage boys aged 12 to 17 and all too tall to mention, and one slightly overweight and arthritic black Labrador. So that’s a lot of shapes and sizes for one family car that needs to get us all to school the shops, football, rugby, hockey, cricket, work, the station, the airport, Kent, Doncaster and Cornwall.

Erin says: “It ticks every box on the Snapchat/Insta hit list of a teenager, it turns out. Which, as far as I can tell, is anything that would look good cruising at 15mph in LA with indecent music making everyone’s ears bleed.”

How much has it cost you?

I can tell this section is going to be dominated every month by the fuel costs. Ouch, ouch, ouch. When you drive an electric car and charge at home on an off-peak tariff overnight, you get used to 400 miles costing you a tenner. Four hundred miles in this car (380 in fact), or one tank to be precise, costs £110. That’s going to take some getting used to. It’s almost nostalgic, harking back 25 years to when I had a job that meant I had to test a lot of supercars, and got through a lot of fuel. I’d forgotten the pain.

Where have you been?

Almost immediately to Gatwick, to drop off five people for their summer holiday, so we’ve already been very thankful for the seven seats this Defender has, thanks to the optional Captain’s Chairs layout, which gives you two seats in the middle row, with a walk way through to three more in the third row. It’s a gorgeous luxury; not only does it make the interior feel very spacious and a privileged place to sit, given the arm rests of those two middle seats and all the leg room for the third-row passengers, but it means no awkward flipping of the middle seats to clamber into the rear. You just climb aboard and walk to the back. Doors to manual and cross check. We’ve also already done some off-roading in it, albeit across grassy parkland to get to a sausage and cider festival (what other sort is there?). It was momentarily thrilling for everyone on board.

What have you been carrying?

The dog, Milo, because this is a car styled for muddy countryside strolls. Weirdly, however, a Defender is not the ideal solution for Milo: the boot is too high up so it’s a struggle for him to leap up, and we have to carry him down otherwise he jolts his arthritic shoulder. Also, with all seats up, the boot is tiny, so you need the third row down, but then he’s not contained in a boot, and skids all over the back of the car, looking non-plussed. He certainly can’t go on the seats because it’s not safe and, more importantly, they’re white.

Delights

Given my job as a motoring journalist for 25 years, my kids have been blessed with being driven about in Rolls-Royces, Ferraris, Bentleys, Lamborghinis and Porsches (also Hyundais, Dacias, Vauxhalls, Fiats, Citroens and everything in between I hasten to add), but nothing has elicited the gasp of sheer joy my 15 year old son emitted when we turned into the driveway and saw this whacking great big Defender with its matt black wrap and white seats. It ticks every box on the Snapchat/Insta hit list of a teenager, it turns out. Which, as far as I can tell, is anything that would look good cruising at 15mph in LA with indecent music making everyone’s ears bleed. God, I sound like my mother.

Frustrations

With that rear tyre on the tailgate of the 130 chassis, this car in insanely long. It barely fits into any parking spaces, anywhere, so you can definitely forget about trying to find a free spot on your local high street - it’s carparks only, as long as they have wide turning points. Also, some tree sap has already made a nasty mark on the matt black wrap. Damn.

Month in a nutshell

It’s going to be a lot of fun, and very expensive. We love this car, and are also embarrassed by it. We’ll see which of those wins out. Back to top

Erin says: “I’m now on ‘Hi, how are you?’ terms with the cashier in the Tunbridge Wells Sainsbury’s filling station”

How much has it cost you?

Put it this way, I’m now on ‘Hi, how are you?’ terms with the cashier in the Tunbridge Wells Sainsbury’s filling station. It’s that bad. I worked out the other day the school run is costing me £25 a day. Admittedly, I chose a school 25 miles away, so it’s a 45-minute drive across Ashdown Forest and the wilds of East Sussex, with rolling hills, constant stops for crossing sheep and pheasants and ever-changing speed limits. None of this is conducive to good fuel economy in a car that weighs a lot. And then there’s the final indignity of this month – another puncture. I am Autotrader’s puncture queen, a dubious title at best. I’ve had at least four in the past 18 months, in all sorts of cars, and now we can add a Defender to the roll of (dis)honour. At least the culprit was a massive screw and not yet another bloody pothole. Regardless, a new tyre on this beast was £265. On the other hand, my partner changed it himself. Proper man stuff, and quite impressive.

Where have you been?

Before the new term I drove down to Cornwall for our annual family holiday, with both boys and the dog on board. If that sounds like we’d have plenty of space left in a seven-seater, then you’ve never been on a self-catering holiday with me. We had a deflated paddleboard, pump and paddle, wetsuits, dog beds, boxes of tonic water, litres of gin, emergency boxes of cereal, towels, footballs, dog food and … stuff. Still, it made the journey manageable and top-box-free - a massive relief after years of arguing with the catch on ours. Even the kids noticed how chilled we all were when we arrived after a six-hour journey from Kent. The Defender cruises beautifully on the motorway, and the fridge between the front seats is a joy in hot weather on long journeys for keeping drinks and sandwiches cool. Since then my youngest has started at the new school, so I’ve been driving him there and back for the first fortnight, before I throw the school bus into the mix of long hours and major homework for the poor sod. See above for the havoc this has wreaked on my wallet.

What have you been carrying?

See above!

Delights?

The sound system is fantastic. My 15-year-old is never happier than when cruising in the Defender with some Kanye West or Blur (in retaliation for not getting Oasis tickets) thumping through the speakers, the bass buzzing through the floor. Who doesn’t love it when Kanye makes that cultural connection, undiscovered by historians until now, between Mona Lisa and Caesar? The guy’s a genius.

Frustrations?

I can’t get the natty Defender cover back on the new spare tyre on the tailgate. It’s tight, and super fiddly to do once the tyre is mounted because you’ve also got to line up two prongs on the back of the case to go through the mounted wheel. I’ve given up and now it’s half on, with the Defender badge at a wonky angle. Also, some of that nasty sap dripped off a tree on day two and onto the matt paintwork. I’ve tried getting it off and the result is now just a nasty mess, because the residual stickiness has attracted dust and dirt.

This month in a nutshell

It’s a beautiful, beautiful car inside and out and the boys and I love driving around in it. I just wish we didn’t have the V8 engine. It’s ruinously expensive to run and is a slight embarrassment, though my partner loves the noise it makes on firing up. Back to top